New years 2019 I burst in to tears at midnight. I was at a fireworks display surrounded by people seemingly optimistic about the new year and all the possibilities it offered. But I knew the change I wanted to see in my life in 2019 was limited. This attitude of a new year having the chance to transform your live can be great for some people, but what happens if the things you really want to change in your life won't change at midnight on December 31st? In the new year I wanted my long term mental illness to stop. I wanted the sleepless nights, vivid nightmares, days in bed and suicidal thoughts to stop. I knew this was not going to happen over night and it was not fair. Everyone around me was getting a fresh start as the new year came but I would be stuck facing the same problems. And surprisingly I felt a lot more optimistic about the new year 2020. I may still have been mentally ill in 2019, it was a very difficult year, and my problems did not go away over night. However 2019 brought so many new beginnings, I ran my first half marathon, began this campaign and became president of a university society. In the past 10 days media has been awash with pressure to change in time for the new year. To get through new years acceptance has been key, change takes time and it may take more than 365 days but the fact that I want change and I am trying to change is enough for me. As damaging as the attitude that a new year can bring a new you can be it is inevitable that change will happen over the span of the year, some good and some bad. Not everything can change but accepting what you can change and the time it will take to do so is vital.
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