Why this space exists

I have a illness that, on some days, leaves me bed bound. On some days I struggle to brush my teeth. On some days I struggle to shower. On some days I struggle to cook. On some days I struggle to leave the house. On most days I question whether I am actually disabled. Every day society questions whether I am disabled. Disability isn't defined but how you look, nor by physical pain, it's defined by how much your day to day life suffers as the result of an illness. My illness is rooted inside my head.

Recently society has come some way to understand and raise awareness of mental illnesses. So, does misunderstanding and stigma still exist? Yes. How do I know that? Because it was only when I became ill myself that I was able to challenge misconceptions I had about long term mental illnesses. Growing up I thought if you had a long term mental illness you were probably confined to a hospital or a dark bedroom for the rest of your life. Yes I do have days under my duvet, but I have a life. I have hobbies. I have friends. I am working towards a degree. I volunteer. I run. I am not a shadowy figure confined to my bedroom. What took me so long to accept my illness was the fear that you could not be mentally ill and successful.

The stigma of mental illnesses as a disability can easily extend to all areas of your life. And for me it has. Living with a mental illness that affects you on a day to day level is hard enough without the fear of others finding out about it and changing how they see you as a result. It feels like a dirty secret. If someone asks you how your weekend is, how do you explain you were too depressed to leave your bed? Unfortunately no element of my life is independent of my disability, so being unable to talk about it is isolating.

I wasn't even aware mental illnesses were classed as disabilities until a year ago when my university recommended I applied for Disabled Students Allowance. Realising I was disabled helped me in so many ways, some of which I'll probably be detailing here on my blog. It allowed me to work with my illness rather than against it. It allowed me to accept it for what it was, something that impacted my everyday life. Society seems to be all too often viewing mental illness as a short term health problem, indeed most people recover over a few months. But I am still suffering, it left me feeling like I was beyond helping, as though there was never any chance of regaining a decent quality of life.

Without identifying as disabled you can lose out on so much support, most help is not mental health specific. It's important that we raise awareness to stop people losing out on this support. If I, as someone who was mentally ill, wasn't aware of this identity, imagine the extent of those who don't realise or recognise it who are well. I fear people will think I'm abusing the definition of disability and unjustly trying to one up those with other disabilities.

I want to raise awareness about the discrimination and stigma surrounded by mental health conditions that form disabilities. I think the way to do that is through coming together and educating others. Anyone can develop a debilitating mental illness at any time in their life, this website is relevant to everyone and anyone, I truly wish that when I had become ill it hadn't come with the feel of resigning my whole life to this illness. If this campaign makes one person feel less alone, allows them to identify as disabled or alleviates any shame or guilt they may feel as a result of their disability then this campaign has succeeded.